southern california is for pussies

Seasons are nonexistent in Los Angeles. There is hot, sorta hot, and fucking freezing. Coming from a temperate climate (seriously, northern Illinois winters are the definition of fucked up), I should be used to sub-zero temperatures. But I guess I never really developed the hard skin from all those cool autumn days at the Pumpkin Patch/Apple Orchard, or those snow days in the middle of November. Here, the middle of November means mid-60s temps and t-shirts and jeans.

But then comes the Los Angeles winter, when temperatures drop barely below 60, rarely below 50, and out come the Ugg(ly) boots and the sweatshirt/scarf combinations and people bitching about how it's "fucking frigid" outside. And to be honest, I've found myself saying "It's freezing outside," despite knowing what freezing temperatures actually feel like. I am ashamed.

In short, southern California is for pussies. Seriously, there is a tolerance for cold temperatures, and 55 degrees is not it. We as a human race should strive to avoid warm climates like Florida and Texas and So-Cal, because they detract from the evolutionary chain of evolution. The human race will never learn to cope with above-freezing, but below-room-temperature temperatures if we all flock to this goddamn cornucopia of sin that is Southern California. Avoid it at all costs, my friends!

Of course, I don't mean avoid visiting me in Southern California. I only mean avoid living in it for extended periods of time, because those raised in cold climates will find themselves saying that sweatshirt weather is "unbearable" and "inhumane." I swear to God, if I hear one more PR from Campus Cruiser say "OMG, I was waiting for SO LONG in the FREEZING cold" I will slap them in their bitch faces and steal their Ugg boots and sweatpants with PINK embroidered across the ass while they're dazed. 50 degrees is not freezing. You took chemistry. I know you did, otherwise you wouldn't be in this fucking school. You know what freezing is. I challenge you to live in NORTHERN ILLINOIS for a winter and tell me that this temperature is actually cold. Why don't you actually see snow before you tell me that it's cold outside. God, I can't wait to go home and fuckin' tear shit up in the snow with my 4-wheel-drive vehicle. Fuck you all.

Lastly, I would like to extend my extreme grievances to Matt Gille's family. I never spoke to the guy, but I saw him in Guys and Dolls I think it was junior year. This is a complete shock to me, considering the RRStar spins it as a suicide. This really makes no sense to me. First a Boylan grad gets stabbed at a bonfire, then a very popular, seemingly happy Boylan grad supposedly commits suicide. I really, really, really pray for the Gille family; I know that Matt was a great person, loved by a lot of people, and suicide doesn't really make sense, but it saddens me nonetheless to hear that another Boylan grad has passed. God bless us all.