bipolar

Ah, the roller coaster ride that is the summer before college. You know, I hate going from a peak post to a valley post in the span of a day, but having some close friends change their tune on a certain issue and put you down when you're already as low as you go has a way of changing your mood. Remember when you were a kid in like 4th grade when you were starting to get more responsibility and you bring home your report card and your mom yells at you because you're not getting good grades and all you can do is cry your eyes out while she screamed about responsibilities and attempt to explain in your little kid way that you're trying as hard as you can and that you'll try to do better next time? Well, that's what I've felt like when dealing with these people. I'm trying. This mood shifting has happened so much in the past year that I've diagnosed myself with the psychological disorder noted in the title. Thanks Mrs. Voigt! Thanks DSM IV-R!

I feel so goddamn gay complaining about this, and I know everyone is sick of hearing about it. But you know what? It's my fucking blog and I'm going to write about whatever the hell it is I'm thinking about. And it just so happens that I've been thinking a lot about this particular situation.

Let me explain something. Men don't cry. Men get angry. I like to consider myself a man, though some would argue I'm more of a boy or child (or in somecases a goddamn little girl). I'm notorious for overreacting and lashing out irrationally. Remember the Kevin situation? I don't even remember why I was pissed to begin with. Of course, this situation is a bit more concrete, and I sure did get my feelings hurt, so I think I'm not completely unjustified. I've annoyed a helluva a lot of people, and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for being an uber-bitch to someone who was a bitch to me in the past. I have to admit, I don't think the bitchiness was proportional, and I apologize. I assure you there is a method to my madness, but explaining it in a blog post would be a bit useless since I only really need to explain myself to two or three people. Just know that I had my reasons, and I'll get around to revealing them another time.

But I can't say I'm through. I'm through with being an asshole (I hope). There may be flashes of anger, but I'll do my best to keep them to a minimum. My next stage is avoidance. Just keep us apart, and I'll be "happy." Yeah, right. I'll be far from happy, but at least I won't be angry. I guess I'll just stick with the convenient medium of "depressed." I think the problem is that I fall in love too quickly and let myself get hurt too easily. Better I learn this now than in college I guess. Goddamn, what a summer. Hope I make it to the end without completely losing it.

Currently enjoying:

Nothing much right now...

Next post: I'm having trouble enough focusing on the present, and you're asking me to predict the future? The audacity! Let me sort out some things, and then I'll be back. Some people have been on my back for voicing my opinions in my own fucking blog, so maybe I'll just take a break. Happy now?